Posts Tagged ‘Donna Trussell

01
Oct
08

October 1, 2008

Revisiting my post about optimism vs. pessimism, and the benefits of having a positive attitude:

I’ve been thinking about it since then, and what constitutes pessimism and optimism.

I ran across a blog post by Donna Trussell called Cancer Is So Limited? I Beg to Differ. I laughed out loud – she is a good writer with an acerbic sense of humor. I also thought “This is a very angry woman”. Reading later posts confirmed that in my mind.

Cancer makes you angry. Call it one of the stages of grief, call it a reaction to fear, call it stress releasing itself in emotion; anger it is. Cancer makes you feel a lot of emotions, most of which you’d rather not feel – fear, grief, anger, sadness, isolation, despair.

With Breast Cancer Awareness month upon us, you can’t turn your head without bumping your nose into pink products, billboards, news articles/videos, e-mails, and yes, blog posts, most touting the message to *do your self-exams!*. But even the media, for all that it wants to promote the “look at the pretty survivors, you can too!” idea, cuts the message with harsh ingredients, like the video I saw today on CNN.com called “Help for Cancer Victims”.

If that little word “victim” doesn’t make a cancer patient despair, then it will probably make them angry.

And this is the thing about optimism and pessimism – anger is not the opposite of hope. Both hope and anger are on the side of not being a victim. If you can’t feel warm and fuzzy about having cancer, get angry! Don’t let cancer victimize you, and don’t let the “positive attitude Nazis” victimize you either. You don’t have to feel positive feelings about getting cancer, fighting cancer, surviving cancer. All you have to do is get through it, and if getting angry helps, be angry.

It’s what you do with the anger, though, that counts. If you use it to focus on the fight, and on survival, anger can be a positive emotion and a positive force. If you use it to bludgeon the people who want to help you, then it might destroy you if the cancer doesn’t get you.

I can attest to cancer causing one to be angry – when I had my worst fears confirmed by the biopsy results this August, I was furious at the surgeon who didn’t get it all, at the doctors who decided I didn’t need radiation the first time, at the failure of the chemotherapy to kill off the remaining cancer cells, at having maimed my body for nothing.

But after allowing myself to feel the anger, the sense of unfairness, the “why me” (shit happens, that’s why), I chose to let go of these feelings, and focus on being me. I still don’t see the positive attitude that others perceive in me – I’m just living my life, rather than living my disease. The same things that made me laugh before make me laugh now; the things that touched my heart before touch my heart now; the things that made me angry before, well, some of them still make me angry, others I’m learning aren’t so important.

In her latest post, The Stupid Cancer Show, Trussell writes about the lies one hears as a cancer patient. One of the types of lies is “other cancer survivors lie to you”, which would also mean that they’re lying to themselves.

“Cancer is the best thing that ever happened to me.”

Some of the people in my support group talk about how cancer turned their lives around – and I think they really believe it, rather than grasping at any frail straw that puts a positive spin on an extremely negative situation. I mean, they ought to know if they’re in a better place mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.

Is it the best thing that ever happened to *me*?

No.

On the other hand, I can’t deny that it has made me re-evaluate priorities in my life, made me less inclined to take things for granted, helped me learn to connect with people better, and work to eliminate leftover destructive behaviors that I haven’t conquered yet. Will this last as I come out the other side of the Cancer Fun House? I certainly hope so, I plan on it, and I’m going to do my best to make it so. I feel sad that these positive changes took getting cancer to bring them on. If I were you, I’d just cut to the chase, make those life changes you keep thinking about, and skip the cancer.

And it definitely is not the best thing that ever happened to me – that, in one word, is Brian.

So I will continue to strive for the positive attitude spectrum, because it suits me, and who I want to be – not a shill of the cancer establishment, not a self-delusional cancer victim, not the me-with-cancer or the me-the-cancer-survivor, just me. That will no doubt include occasional bouts of anger, grief, and other negative emotions; but also laughter, joy, and love.

When I want to feel inspired and hopeful, I will visit Cancer Cannot Have Me.

When I need to come back to earth (or for a good laugh), I can always visit Donna Trussell or The Stupid Cancer Blog ;-}

Advertisements



Post archive

September 2019
S M T W T F S
« Oct    
1234567
891011121314
15161718192021
22232425262728
2930  

Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 33 other followers

Advertisements