The Silence of the Cancer

On my little break from chemo, please don’t be surprised that I am being so quiet – only a little blogging, no phone calls or e-mails. Now that I’ve had time to quit wallowing in the cancer and its treatment, I’m wallowing in my depression. My normal depressive behavior is to do just that – withdraw and keep my feelings to myself.

Fortunately for me, I’ve got Brian here to help keep me sane.

I met with my counselor, Counselor Troi, today, and she took a lot of notes, with the end result that she doesn’t know how I’ve managed to go so long without an anti-depressant. So tomorrow I start one (sorry, the name escapes, me).

The bad news about that is that it’s going to physically depress me for a couple weeks – i.e., low energy, etc. Right in time to just about the time Dr. Medici wants me to start chemo again.

So how am I going to know if it’s working?

Also, Nurse Serenatia called today, and told me what I already knew – it’s going to take months to get back my energy to where it was – months I don’t have.

Thus ends the homily on depression for June 23, 2010.

2 Responses to “The Silence of the Cancer”

  1. 1 Jenny
    June 24, 2010 at 1:17 pm

    The anti-depressant can’t do anything to your energy like what you are used to chemo doing! Is there a chance you won’t even notice?

    Thank you for writing this, even though you don’t feel like it. I hope you can feel the love felt for you coming from all over, even while you are depressed.

    Energy or no, it’s your decision what to do after July 4. Let that decision wait, and look forward to getting your mental energy back. You have no other choice but to live for today, so I my biggest hope and wish for you is that you feel like you can.

    Sending you love. Breaking my silence to comment on your silence :). It’s hard to know the right thing to say. But saying nothing didn’t feel like the right thing at all. Love you!

  2. 2 margaret Stonich
    June 29, 2010 at 12:58 pm

    I am so glad that you are taking an antidepressant. It is going to make all the difference. You are going to feel so much better…..I promise!!!!

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June 2010

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