Will I Bless it Then?

I’ve been spending a lot of time thinking about Oregon’s assisted suicide law, and I have discussed it with Brian, also. We are both in agreement that this is a good law, but one to which we’d hoped never to need access.

But then life takes some funny turns (ha, ha, I’m so amused), and here I sit, one step closer to eligibility. I’ve been through some difficult times in my life, but never resorted to even attempt suicide, because for me solving an unhappy relationship or letting go of a piece of my past was not worth losing the rest of my life over.

I have to say, though, that although I’m not compelled right this minute, I forsee a time in the future when I will take full advantage of the Assisted Suicide law. Months of pain and suffering, of being unable to use my head or my hands in the way they’re intended; unable to get out of the house without someone there to give me a ride; dependent upon handholds and stair steps to get into the bathtub because I can’t step that high any more; being unable to read for any length of time; not being able to visit with my family because they’re too far away, and can’t afford to come visit me; being unable to play with the dog or even take him for a walk.

These are all just personal limitations, and not nearly all of them. I’m much more concerned that Brian will exhaust himself taking care of me; that the hope of one regimen of chemotherapy working for a few months will be replaced by the despair of finding that the other options out there don’t work as well; that Brian will end up having to declare bankruptcy due to all the medical bills in store; that all he’ll have to remember me by is a wasted body and brain and screwed finances.

So while I’m still of sound mind and body, but before it becomes the only option I can see, I say now that it is very likely in the future, when treatments are no longer working, but before massive deterioration in my condition sets in, I will look into the option of the Oregon Assisted Suicide law, and will probably take advantage of it. Brian has told me that he supports me in this, even though both of us would prefer to have a miracle cure discovered before I reach the point of making that choice.

Blessings on the Oregon voters for understanding personal choice, and for understanding death with dignity. I never want to be there, but given the likelihood that I will be, thank you for making it possible for me.


1 Response to “Will I Bless it Then?”

  1. 1 margaret Stonich
    June 9, 2010 at 11:44 am

    Thank Goodness for that law. You are not alone in your thoughts about having control over your demise. Not to mention leaving this earth in a humane way. I don’t think anyone can understand this unless you or a loved one have been there.

    God Bless you Julie for your honesty and strength

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