Archive for June, 2010

23
Jun
10

The Silence of the Cancer

On my little break from chemo, please don’t be surprised that I am being so quiet – only a little blogging, no phone calls or e-mails. Now that I’ve had time to quit wallowing in the cancer and its treatment, I’m wallowing in my depression. My normal depressive behavior is to do just that – withdraw and keep my feelings to myself.

Fortunately for me, I’ve got Brian here to help keep me sane.

I met with my counselor, Counselor Troi, today, and she took a lot of notes, with the end result that she doesn’t know how I’ve managed to go so long without an anti-depressant. So tomorrow I start one (sorry, the name escapes, me).

The bad news about that is that it’s going to physically depress me for a couple weeks – i.e., low energy, etc. Right in time to just about the time Dr. Medici wants me to start chemo again.

So how am I going to know if it’s working?

Also, Nurse Serenatia called today, and told me what I already knew – it’s going to take months to get back my energy to where it was – months I don’t have.

Thus ends the homily on depression for June 23, 2010.

19
Jun
10

Lunch With the Ladies

Thursday, Monica and Linda and Heather came over to have lunch with me.

Monica hit the kitchen like a storm, preheating quiche, slicing bread, prepping something or other; I set the table, and we were ready to eat.

Sausauge quiche, fresh-from-the-garden-asparagus salad, several types of fruit, bread, and who knows what else – it was all delicious!

We spent most of the time talking about work past; changes that are going on there now, and just laughing and having fun.!

Thanks for the food, fun, pep talk, and hugs – I was in need of them all. I agree, we should do it again

19
Jun
10

Meeting with Dr. Medici

Well, the meeting went pretty much as I expected, although having been forewarned by my call to the triage nurse last week, Dr. Medici strode right in and took charge.

Basically, he agreed that the toxicity had reached a very high point and it was time to scale back – I think he was hoping I’d agree to a lesser dose, but I was having none of that.

Our agreed-on plan, then, is that I will call him each week to let him know how I’m feeling, and when I’m ready for my next chemo. At that point, we’ll decide on the drug and the dose, and see how it goes.

My goal, that I expressed to him is not to make sure I live as long as possible. It is to enjoy the amount of life I have left with Brian. If the quality of life is good, then maybe it’ll be a long time. If not, then it is what it is.

Right now I’ve got a minimum of 2 weeks before I have to decide, since Dr. M. is out of town through 4th of July.

19
Jun
10

Quotations Police Alert

Just so you know, I intentionally paraphrased the quotation in the last post.

19
Jun
10

Sadness

Little did we know as we turned back south at Salishan last Saturday, that my Aunt Pat lay in the hospital just a few miles north.

The drive itself was exhausting me, and I didn’t want to have an unnannounced visit that would end up being very short  because of the state I was in, so I decided that the next time we came I’d make sure it was when I was feeling better.

Sigh. All the plans of mice and men most surely do go awry.

Aunt Pat died Tuesday night. I’ll miss her.

16
Jun
10

A little beach party

Brian and I headed off to Newport on Thursday afternoon. It was pouring rain when we left, but down to overcast when we arrived. We settled in for the night, watching Happy Feet, and I went to bed early, as is my wont these days.

The next couple days were pretty days, Friday clearing up to be sunny but a little cool. Although I spent most of the day either resting or sleeping, we did make it out to dinner. We watched Shrek as our evening entertainment.

And on Sunday, once again I spent the morning resting or napping, but then suggested we go for a little drive up the 101, a drive being about what I thought I could handle. We drove up to just past Salishan, and turned around. Coming back down, Brian pointed out that I hadn’t eaten much that day, so we stopped at Tidal Raves. We’ve eaten dinner there before, and it was extremely good, so I was a little disappointed in my razor clams. But the floor show made up for it by having 3 Orcas playing just outside the windows.

Sunday was a pretty drive home, but, let’s say it all together, I slept pretty much most of the way. All in all, though, it was about spending some loving time with Brian, who gave me massages and took care of me. I just wish I could return the favor.

13
Jun
10

A Little Work Party

Last Wednesday, my friend Leah had arranged a little work-folks get-together. She came and picked me up, and then dropped me off at the door of Rock Bottom Brewery, where we met with Carrie W., Jenny, Kristin, Shi-Yi, and Wendy. Brian met us there, also, not only to say “Hi”, but as my ride home.

I enjoyed seeing and chatting with everyone, although I was pretty much wiped out after a little overp an hour. Thank you for coming, everyone who could make it; and I’m sorry some of you were either sick or had other plans already – hopefully we’ll be able to visit sometime soon.

Unless the doctor changes my chemo regimen soon, I may be completely limited to home visits, as my energy levels are so low that I sleep all night, and most of the day also. There is an open invitation to come visit, as long as it is arranged in advance; and with the caveat to please call before coming in case I’m having a bad day.




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