23
Apr
09

One of these days . . .

. . . I will not only not feel yucky (that’s a technical oncology term, I’m sure), but I will actually start feeling good, instead of just feeling less bad.

This last chemo hit pretty hard – I’m still having some intense chemobrain moments, although they’re getting farther apart. The normal stomach/intestine action going on; the pains are pretty bad (I’ve had to use “the good stuff” to get any sleep since Monday); the insomnia when I’m not in pain is moderate; the fatigue seems excessive (presumably related to anemia); but the worst thing I’ve got going is the peripheral neuropathy.

It’s hard to type because my fingers don’t really want to do what I tell them to do, and I make a lot more mistakes than usual. The tingling and numbness is the obvious part, pretty much constantly there for now, but when I try to do anything that requires detail work or lots of movement, the clumsiness and lack of control is noticeable. I am even having a hard time knitting, even on big needles, and knitting is so second-nature (kind of like typing) to me I often don’t have to really watch what I’m doing.

The thing I’m most worried about is that it’s gotten so much worse so quickly. Typically by the week after a chemo it had faded to nearly unnoticeable levels – this time it’s even worse than it was early in the week. In some cases, it never goes away; or it can take as long as a year to go away. I’ve also read that the symptoms may not even peak for 3 – 5 months after the last chemotherapy.

But just today I was reading The Hotel New Hampshire by John Irving, and came across this:

“Human beings are remarkable – at what we can learn to live with,” Father told me. “If we couldn’t get strong from what we lose, and what we miss, and what we want and can’t have,” Father said, “then we couldn’t ever get strong enough, could we? What else makes us strong?” Father asked.

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2 Responses to “One of these days . . .”


  1. April 24, 2009 at 1:13 pm

    You are loved! 🙂

  2. 2 Greg Martin
    May 8, 2009 at 6:38 am

    Hi Julie,

    Jeanette and I hope you’re feeling better after your weekend away. Rumor has it that the sun will reappear any week now–after all, it’s May! So keep up the good work and enjoy the arrival of spring–Our thoughts are with you.

    GM


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