September 27, 2007

Tonight we’re packing. I don’t really have to take much besides my toiletries kit and a hard case for my glasses. I keep thinking about a book or my knitting, then reminding myself that most of my waiting will be in a hospital gown and on an i.v. I do need to remember to take my rings off, and leave them at home – I hate doing that.

Brian’s going to bring a book, his mp3 player, and I think there was something else he mentioned. He’s going to be waiting a long time – fortunately he’s pretty well self-entertaining ;-}

As I was talking to a friend the other day, she asked me if I was getting worried about the surgery yet. Even as I was answering, my feelings about this whole thing clarified a little for me – the surgery doesn’t scare me – I’ve had major surgery before, and while it’s not something I’d put on my list of experiences I must have before I die, well, it’s not anything that in and of itself worries me. While I’m sorry that I have to lose parts of me (“amputee” is not quite the right word, I don’t think – the Black Knight is an amputee!), the fact that we can recreate those parts so they’re nearly as good or maybe even slightly better (at least more perky. . .) makes the loss less bothersome – I definitely am bothered by this, but not as much as I would have expected.

Having cancer scares me. More accurately, the idea that it may have spread scares the bejeezus out of me. But for the most part, I’m trying not to pre-worry the case. If it has spread, I’ll have plenty of time to worry about it after I find that out, so no point in making myself feel bad now – we’ll deal with it as necessary once we know for sure. And especially if it hasn’t spread – then I’d have made myself sick with worry over nothing!

Our good friends and neighbors, Sharon and Gary, will be taking Robin over to their place for some portion of the time we’re gone. He will probably have a great time playing with Jasmine.

In preparation for surgery, and for not being able to shower or wash/blowdry my hair by myself for up to two weeks, I got my hair cut very short. I also decided that I wanted to do something a little different, so I colored it. I’m uploading pictures so you can see the difference.

Before After

Brian will be updating the blog tomorrow or Saturday (depending on how long he’s at the hospital tomorrow evening, and when they’re sending me home – one or two nights’ stay only).

Thank you all again for caring, and letting me know you care. It means so much to me, and helps me feel strong and confident to have you all behind me.

Love, Julie

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